Welcome to the disorder! Research and anecdotes from other patients can really help in identifying and validating particular symptoms, treatments, etc. but there is so much variation from patient to patient as far as episode frequency and severity, medication effectiveness and tolerance, and the disease's effect on one's ability to function that you won't know what it all feels like until you experience it all for yourself under various treatment regimens and circumstances. With luck, you'll be able to find professionals that you can relate to and afford, treatments that you can tolerate, and a state of equilibrium that will allow you to pursue your goals.