For a long time now, I've felt my next step should be loving myself.. Countless times, I've promised myself to do that, but nothing in my behaviour towards myself has changed.

The other day, I suddenly realised I don't really even know what 'loving myself' means! So I asked myself this question and heard a small voice in my head say, 'It means accepting the bad as well as the good!'

I then started thinking about what 'the bad' is.. I started making a list, here are a few of the things I came up with..

- I have to take responsibility for my ill health. It is what it is, partly because of poor choices I've made. Maybe I'll never get better, but I can try. These are all realities I have to accept.

- Maybe I should go a bit easier on my mum. She did the best she could, which indeed wasn't very good, but there was nothing else she could've done.

- Maybe I should even give my dad a break, too. He couldn't help becoming the person he became, and there have been times when he's tried to be decent. He just can't do it, he doesn't know how. I need to accept who he is and protect myself when needed, but I don't have to hate him for who he is..

I'm going to continue this list on my own While part of me is feeling quite put down by this, a bigger part feels it's good to admit and accept realities. I'm not perfect, just like no one else is! I can still live - I'm still allowed to live.

Thanks for reading, just needed to share this to make it more real..