So sorry about your current state. At times, I have felt depressed about my marriage as well. I love my spouse (in a 29 years of marriage kind of way) but if it changed, I wouldn't have the courage (or the finances) to leave him. So I do understand. The only solace I can provide is that we did promise to be there "till death do us part" (or is that a downer?) But I really do think about it that way. And I think about the things he has done for me and that I certainly have effected his life as much as he has effected mine. The truth is, your misery will be his misery to some extent. That's the way marriage works. I can only enjoy the good things fully if I really accept the things that did not turn out as I expected. But I do hope some more good things come your way.