Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
Because she's grandfathered in? Because i can be myself with her?
We go all the way back to jr. high together. It's been on/off. Spent years not speaking thinking i got rid of a toxic friend, but i keep going back.
She's bad but also can be good.
My h and i went out the other night with her and her friends for her birthday. We left right after dinner because her and her friends were making fun of my husband.
Aside from my sisters, my step-dad, my three nice gf's, and my children, ALL my other relationships (my mother, husband, and this toxic friend) are ALL my relationships.
Then i have acquaintance/friends and work-related relationships that are fine at a distance.
And other family members that are fine and at a distance. But that's because they live far away. They would be fine even if they lived close.
That's it in my world, aside from folks on here and my new therapist (marriage counselor)
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well I understand more than you know how you went back after thinking you got rid of a toxic friend. When you continued with how she and her friends were ridiculing your husband, memories of my past came rushing in.
I grew up with someone that "should be" more than a friend. A brother. I grew up with his toxicity but found myself defending him much of the time as I learned growing up that he was the sort of "god" of the family and could do no wrong.. I knew the reality of things but at the same time I was part of the dysfunctional family dynamic and knew nothing different so kept on. It was not until my adult life where I left all that behind that I was able to look back and see just how dysfunctional they (and I) were.
I know this was not about your friend in your OP, but it stands out very strongly to me that you seem to be doing kind of the same thing as I did for my early life with my brother.
in passing you say "she's bad, but she can be good" then you go on to give some more negatives about how she is. I still do not see the positives that make you want to be friends with her. You say. "I can be myself" Umm. I know this is blunt but I call BS on that. you can't be yourself. You are giving her a pass for some reason when what I've seen is she ridicules your h, she uses your troubles and/or weaknesses as ways to trigger you and get a rise out of you. So truthfully you are in denial when you say you can be yourself. YOu can but not without her throwing your stuff in your face later. That's not friendship. A friend will not use your weaknesses as ways to get you to react or be triggered. A friend does not ridicule you or your spouse when you are not both joking TOGETHER about something.
just being honest in what I see here.