I probably should probably start with a brief backstory. I grew up in a violent home. My father hated me from the start. He was home all the time and my mother was at work a lot. So, it was up to me to take care of things at home because my father was drunk and/or stoned all the time. Beginning at age 5, I was basically mom and dad to my 2 younger brothers. It may sound strange, but I was cooking and even doing things like changing my youngest brother's diapers. I'll go more in-depth later but all I feel is that I've been a tool for people to use and discard when I'm no longer of use. I've been told I'm too kind and helpful. Every one of my three marriages resulted in me being used for my wallet or for how hard and how much I worked. It has been the same way for every woman I've dated. Not saying all women are bad. I'm a disabled veteran and use a cane to walk. I get called ugly, useless, worthless cripple, and was even spit on twice last year. I don't understand any of this and it makes me withdraw away from people even more. The only things that I know have ever cared are the cats I've had over yhe years and the one I have now. She is a great friend and she is almost always near me. The only thing I have ever wanted in this world is to have a woman treat me the same way, wanting to be with me for me. The majority of people, I feel, don't even know what the L word means anymore.