What was it about him that you adored? I think my father had NPD but I felt like he loved me, in contrast to my mother and aunts, even if it was only because I was his daughter and not anybody separate from him. He was not critical but could forget about me in a minute. Nevertheless, when he was interested in again, it was was all positive.

From my socially proper mother and aunts I learned what I once called in therapy "We build ego for a living." And though I don't personally like that way of life and didn't really fit in with them, those were some very useful skills when I met my late husband. It was automatic, there was nothing intentionally manipulative about it from me. He likely had schizoid PD so my building his ego just brought it up to baseline, not overblown. He was my "soulmate", some might say we were enmeshed, but it worked for us.

Times have changed. Probably wouldn't work for many people now.

Too bad Underground hasn't stopped by and posted something. Why is it that he only shows up when HE wants or needs something!