I'm worried about my physical health. My gp isn't pushing for tests yet but I'm so stubborn. I can see in the mirror the evidence of kidney problems. . Cheek bags are getting bigger and the whole pelvic area is hurting. Gall bladder should be out by now but I'm chicken **** about what else they might find. It would be my own fault because i couldn't quit smoking. Trying to quit cold turkey tonight but i want to smoke because i feel so stressed. I'd also love to tie one on tonight... realizing i have addiction issues. Ironically i don't feel like dying but I'm purposely making my own health worse. Tinnitus and pain don't even matter now, i just wish i could spend the rest of my life in peace on a beach with my bf and knowing my kids are doing well. I should stop whining. This whole world is suffering. Wish sometimes that everyone could live in peace. Imagine.
And i miss a friend. I'd really love to see you tonight. Maybe life is all a dream.