Tonight I joined my first Depression and Bipolar Support meeting online. It goes by web cam and microphone, so the people in the meeting could see and hear me. I showed my camera feed and answered the questions that were directed to each member of the group. I think that is a big step for my social anxiety. I did not really participate in the group discussion though.

I'm not really sure why I feel disappointed then. I had something I felt like saying, although I don't know where I would have gone besides a couple statements about personal experience that was only slightly related to the topic.

Maybe I had high expectations and subconsciously hoped that something that would magically happen that would fix all of my anxiety issues. Maybe it's just finally sinking in that these symptoms I'm experiencing is bipolar disorder and I am going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I don't get better from this.

I try not to be bleak or depressing, but this feels like the type of thing I should talk about. I don't want to be the type who complains about everything. Does it make sense that I am feeling this way right now? Is this the bipolar way to react? If I were not bipolar, would I be happy about getting to attend the meeting? Can anyone relate to this at all?