I have been unusually lucky in finding an older online friend, who likely has the real life skills that I desperately needed, and had some similar life experiences that probably made it easier for her to understand me.

We met online in my early 20s, and soon became good 'friends', talking nearly everyday. I asked her questions about issues I was having in RL, and she did her best to come up with competent suggestions, or push me to create my own answers. She was almost always there when I needed her, talked me through my anxieties and fears, encouraged me to go out and meet more people in real life. She soothed me when I was in sorrow, and pushed me when I was just being lazy or apathetic. In the beginning, I wanted to be around her constantly.

Like wanting to 'sit in her lap' to be held, or to just be underfoot. Although she indulged it sometimes, she let me know when the level of need was too much. I went through a phrase where I was mildly obsessed, would say that I loved her etc, not in a romantic way, but in the way a kid wants to draw paintings for their favorite teacher. I wanted her admiration, attention, and care. Being open about these sorts of yearning in other sorts of relationships would have humiliated me, and made me feel worse for being so vulnerable. Her setting boundaries on what she could/couldn't do, and sharing some of her life, but not enough to pain me, kept our relationship "safe".

She listened to my tears, and fears, edited some of my college papers, answered my questions with insight and gave me as much strength as she could instill within me to be stronger and face life head on. I've never really had a voice in my head, encouraging me to do the right thing for myself, but I'm closer to having one, and it sounds a bit like her.

When I went on trips, and was too nervous/scared to go and mingle or talk to others, she talked me through it via messenger, and encouraged me to make the most of my time. She has always pushed me toward my own goals, and encouraged me to make them bigger and better. She warned me about my tendency to imprint/expect a lot of others, and how that can lead to destructive relationships. When I made decisions she didn't agree with, she would show she was wary of them, but was always there to help me access and realize what mistakes were made.

My online friend's distance from my everyday life, helped me trust what she was saying, because she stood nothing to gain either way. Her RL, wouldn't be affected by my decisions, and she would remain steadfast, whatever road I chose. After a few mistakes, I tried to be more careful/mindful, because I understood the limits of this sort of 'friendship', and that she was also human.

When I saw a therapist for the first time this year, I realized that we really didn't "click" partly because I felt like the therapist was stepping into a role in my life that someone already occupies/that I've developed a long term connection with.
My 'friend' was happy to hear about me going to a therapist, but I haven't found the right person yet.

Reading more about therapy now, I feel blessed to have had the experience, but also a real set of "guilt" or that I owe her a lot more that I've given. We really haven't had a friendship perse, it's been a lot more like the way people describe their therapists here. In the last year I've felt like I needed her to play that role a lot less in my life, but I also felt guilty, for not talking with her as much and feeling distant. I've "grown up" a lot, become a heck of a lot less needy, and our 'friendship' has changed over time. I can say I'm happy that I've been honest with her, and told her how much she meant to me in my life, and how grateful I am to have met her.

If I had found a real life therapist, that I could feel the same/similar way about', I would have been grateful for the experience. Paying to speak to someone, wouldn't take away from the bonding or the influence they had in my life. I'm aware that what I found was a once in a lifetime friendship/bond, it's just good to know that I can find a T, in case that need arises.

I'm still feel very fortunate to have found someone I could talk to and trust, when I believed at the time, that there was no one I could. A poster here said what price could you pay on having someone in your corner, and that resonated with me. It's truly priceless.