I've been really trying but it's been hard to keep moving forward. I've done poetry guided visualization I've been recording my work. Voice wise I called the suicide hotline I talked to a crisis Worker text wise..it just doesn't seem like it's enough to fix my depression and.suicidal thoughts I've thought the best way to do this is to eventually admit myself but I'm afraid of being thrown right back out since my behavior is always down right terrible also I want to be admitted to a certain hospital and my parents would have to take me and there's all these rules I'm not aware of to being admitted by yourself but the er just sends you home or abuses you suicide rates jump between low and high daily though I manage to stay safe.being so sick worsens things cause I'm not sure if it's depression or pain I'm feeling though it hurts kinda.but I have been trying just in pain and I'm sick of it