Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepingDogz
I have struggled to find the words to express my hopelessness. No one understands just how overwhelming it is. The best description I can come up with is the following scenario. Sometimes I can escape it for a little while in sleep but each awakening brings with it the same harsh cruel reality.
Of being seized with terror having just fallen overboard from a ship that is sailing thru the middle of a huge and vast ocean. No one saw me fall so no one knows or cares. The enormity of it is as impossible to escape as the cold waters of the ocean that surround me. It isn't just the cold water that makes me shiver but also that dreadful knowledge that there were no witnesses. All I can see no matter which way I turn is black bottomless ocean that matches the blackest starless night sky above me. It is a moonless night; the only light comes from aboard the ship which is all too quickly vanishing on the horizon. There is no hope of being saved; no one knows or cares and the only touch I feel is the cold embrace of the water surrounding and enveloping me. I cannot free myself from the water or the enormous solitary reality that floods my mind with just one word: Lost.
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A lot of us here can feel your pain and we have our similar experiences. Makes you wonder why we don't drown, right? That it just keeps us a float in the misery and though the tides moves around us , we feel no closer to shore. I don't want to discourage you but it's a long hard road but some say they feel better, or not as bad. Any improvement would be a plus, right? So if you can find a Trauma counselor and get on the proper medications would be a good place to start. Keep treading that rip current of memories, you will eventually get closer to shore.