Thanks for all the great replys! I do feel better this morning. I guess a lot of what is hurt is my pride also. Plus I feel scared that maybe my adoptive mother struggled with some of the pain I am experiencing andI couldn't or wouldn't see that. I struggle with guilt about cutting her out my life. But then I guess I am not my adoptive mother and perhaps if she had admitted how she felt scared about my leaving her instead of accusing me all the time, then we could have worked through our stuff?? Some part of me feels its weakness to admit to a child how I the "adult" is feeling?? that I should be in total control at all times? But saying that, if my adoptive mother had admitted to her "weaknessess" then I would have grown toward her and not away from her. We can't work with what we dont know. Plus any breakdown in communication when I was growing up, was turned into a major event. It was like the world as I knew it stopped. All communication at home stopped and there was a period of suffering one was made to experience before they were accepted back into the fold. Then the cycle would begin all over again.