(((Hugs))). I understand and I'm sorry. If you were happy once, chances are good you will be again. If it hurts to think of times when you were happy, try not to think of them. Just remember that you have what it takes to be happy again....history proves this. Do you have any sort of plan to improve your situation? Seeing a doctor or therapist perhaps? Talking with family and friends? Any self-soothing behaviors you can engage in?