I hope some of you will share your experiences with becoming aware of words that sabotage our self-esteem and mental health. I'd love to know more about how this mechanism works, the many forms it takes, and how we can overcome it.

My T in NOLA was working with me on becoming aware of what he called the "subtle" words I use that put myself down.

Last night, I became aware that I was referring to a planned Christmas visit to see my mother and other relatives in the New York Adirondacks as "sponging off my relatives."

I meant it in a funning kind of way, but after I repeated it a few times, I realized that this is one of my subtle self-put downs. Yes, I do have to bide some time til I can move into my apartment in Jan. But I do NOT have to spend it up North, and I have not confronted winter temperatures for some years. Being cold is not an unparalleled delight.

My mom smokes like a fiend, a being in that tiny apartment makes me stink right down to my undies. It is boring. But she is 80. Her 2 kids rarely visit on her the holidays, bec. the weather is pretty forbidding up there. It's not unusual to get stranded for a few days by a winter storm, if roads and airports close.

My godmother (her sister) and husband live in the same complex. Uncle Joe had a heart attack recently. I'm not sure how long any of these people are going to be around for me. And I love them, in the distant way of our family. So it is a blessing that I have this time when I can do what I want and be with them.

Why do I put myself down by calling this "sponging off my relatives"?