Thank you all so much for your replies to my post. It means a lot to me to hear other people have been in this situation.

I have discussed this in therapy many times over the years. I think the problems my family has are really due to growing up with an alcoholic mother. My siblings are mistrustful of others and they are extremely paranoid. I don't seem to share that trait as much; I just don't know when to stop "fixing" things so I get disappointed.

Im not sure what I think of my mom right now but I know this situation had a silver lining. I'm sick of trying to get her to show she loves me and sick of trying to prove I am "good". I have a very good life with a terrific husband and kids. I don't need this crap. I have been feeling a lot of strength and clarity after being depressed for a long time. I have done my best for her and I have done enough.

That's just all it comes down to: I have done enough.

Again, thank you so much for the comfort and words of wisdom.