Sounds like you are having a bit of a crisis of belief. Only you can figure out what it is that you believe. I suggest reading books about different religious or spiritual/philosophical beliefs that interest you and talking to friends about their beliefs. Sometimes hearing what other people believe can help you clarify what you do and do not believe. Also, visit churches if you are interested in going to a worship service to figure out what you believe.

Young women go for jerks when it comes to just fooling around. When it comes to a real relationship, women who know themselves and are wise will go for the nice guys. Be patient. I'm sure you will find the right woman when the time is right. Have you ever journaled to try to figure out what type of young woman you are looking for? You can take this date and others as a learning experience to figure out what type of woman is right for you.

Hope this helps! ((HUGS))