Been very busy with work, university and processing trauma with my T. At times I am very functional and am able to keep up with work and study but the trauma stuff can overwhelm me and suck me under. It has been very helpful to talk about it, to process it and find a way to let it go yet part of that process is facing the pain and the awful truth about things. It is tough work. A few days ago I was even suicidal but it passed. I have been more emotional and intense, filled with rage and a sense of abandonment. This makes me a bit wild and self-destructive but so far I have been able to stay safe. I seem to switch from being very together and stable to being wild and out of control. It is stressful.