Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfgaze
Heather, see if you can view your emotional reaction to the surface-level circumstances as like a 'symptom' of a deeper, underlying 'cause'... Once you become sufficiently aware of the underlying 'cause', you will be able to address and resolve the emotional disturbance that you are experiencing. Please note that successfully resolving this does not entail you having to manipulate, change, or exercise control over the surface level circumstances that led to this 'issue' surfacing.
I'll pose some questions for you which may or may not contribute to you digging a bit deeper to get to the heart of the matter...
-Does your boyfriend's family having this ongoing relationship & involvement with his Ex and her family feel threatening to you because you feel it may contribute to setting the stage for his Ex to re-enter his life and to rekindle their former relationship?
-Do you feel like the Ex-GF having an ongoing relationship with his family somehow signifies that they won't open up to you on a certain level or won't make 'space' for you? Do you feel any degree of exclusion or non-acceptance due to these circumstances?
-Do you have any earlier life experiences that caused you to experience the emotion of jealousy, of not being accepted, or not being being thought of as 'good enough' by certain others? Experiences which may have left a strong emotional 'impression' upon you which has not been fully resolved & healed? Along this line of thought, could your perception of and subsequent reaction to these current circumstances largely be the result of being influenced by stored emotional energy stemming from your past (earlier life events/experiences)? In this context, the current circumstances would be having the effect of stimulating something which runs deeper within you and which requires your acknowledgement and some additional 'inner work'... Try to really connect with how you find yourself feeling and think back through your history and see if this feeling resembles anything you've ever experienced before.
I don't know the answer to these questions of course - but I feel these would potentially be important to ask oneself if one were facing the situation that you describe experiencing. Thanks in advance for considering my questions and for allowing me to comment here.
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I mainly feel left out...even though thats not exactly the right phrase to use. I tried to be friends with his sister in the beginning of our relationship and it just didnt work out that way. She just doesnt seem to like me and thats okay. As I got to know her I didnt enjoy her company either.
His family has never made me feel this way but knowing that theyre still close to the ex makes me wonder if they still prefer her for my boyfriend.
In a way, I feel disrespected.
I have to wonder...surely my boyfriends name comes up in conversation when theyre all together. Do they just ignore my existence or talk about me too? Thats the biggest thought I have right now because what could they possibly have to talk about? Moms talk about their kids.
Lastly, this his ex cheated on him, made his life hell, and did things like sell all his retro video games. Thats the person she is. He and I are both gamers and I know how much those meant to him not to mention that they cost $60-200 each now. I dont understand what kind of family would "hang out" with someone who did those things to their son/brother. I dont know if they know she did those things but surely they must know at least a little bit of the reason they broke up.
Instinctively, im hurt by their connection to the ex. But im really not sure how I *should* feel or react because for the most part, I understand. Theyre close. Big whoop. Hes with me and im with him, and thats it.