Thru many many many years of therapy, i finally moved from, "why am i not welcome in THEIR group?" to "THEY are not welcome in mine."

From how you describe your childhood, i can see why you have the first attitude. We feel too poor to exclude anyone from our group, but nobody wants to be a member of a group that doesnt recognize the members value. So really, its okay to judge. In a positive way - how will this person enhance my life?

That is why i broke with my family and certain friends. I felt my only role was to be there so they could feel better about themselves in some perverse way. They are skewed! As in, skew them!