I feel crazy. Like, I've been obsessing over the topic of this thread for almost a day and it's finally dying down, something kind of ridiculous and pointless even. At the very least, something fixable.

I worry there's a part of me that wants to have something wrong with me - something to define me, to explain and justify me. A new revelation will sometimes disturb me, other times I embrace it.

I'm not sure living for others is going to help. In fact, I tend to fight and run anytime someone proposes that as a solution to my problems. I know this self-obsession leads nowhere, probably is making me crazier than I ever was, but..I can't explain why pulling out of it for more than a short burst feels...wrong?

No, I don't have friends or activities. I haven't had friends since I was in the single-digits, and I gave up most of my activities years ago. I can't make myself care much about anything these days. I think about stuff, but that's it.