I'm sorry you're going through this, and can related with the family issues.

Can you get custody of your grandkids? would that be something you'd want to do? If not, I suspect you're going to be stuck supporting your daughter so you know the grandkids are okay.

My husband and I provided substantial financial support to some extended family members while one finished a degree program so I know how it goes. We had to end the support when it became clear the family member wasn't looking for work after graduating. We were happy to help out while she was in school, but she's a shy, anxious young woman and it became clear to me that if we continued to send her money with no strings attached [which we did for years--and a good chunk I might add], we would be supporting her to our dying breath. It's caused a lot of family unpleasantness that grieves me to no end, but my husband is in a profession that is very physical and is to the point he's almost ready to retire. My elderly mother also provides support to these family members so now it's all on her so she's working at age 84!!! I don't know what the answer is, but I know that if we give them money, they'll never help themselves. Either way I'm the *****.