I do not know how everything was in your case, only what you tell us. But I find our parents ( I mean, our generation) had a lot of problems in the affections department. I remember my sister being hurt by my parents (emotionally) and she complaining about it when we grew up. I know she tried to do her best with her kids but, in turn, one of her daughters (one of my nieces) is quite pissed off with my sister (my mom and my sis both passed away).
Basically, I think my mom was a narcissist. But I think her narcissism was a defense. She had a very traumatic childhood. I think my mom somehow damaged my sister abilities, as well. Mine, as well, but I did not have children, so I do not know how much I got.
I do not know if you can picture why your parents exercised a bad parenting. But maybe if you can find out, it will ease your pain a bit. It worked for me. But, of course, I continue to be somebody with problems
I am sending you a big hug