Compassion: None to speak of. I'm avoiding social intercourse to a degree. Too much anxiety. And most social interactions lifelong have been exercises in Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I reach out, hand gets bitten; ultimately how every relationship in my life has been.

It now extends to work. The bulk of my income comes from a pure asshole. Correction: the person I work for is also an alcoholic and sadist. Yes, it is completely life crushing.

Talk therapy: I'm the patient who just ********s. Breaking through to honesty is difficult. And when I was in therapy, I had no clue how ****ed up I was and am.

Meds: Zoloft seemed to be a huge help. I'm still on it but it doesn't seem to be working, so the initial response may have been a the placebo effect: joy from being on the medication and it never worked. Note: over the decades, have also been on Elavil and Welbrutin. Neither did anything.

My body is also let's say atypical. There's a possibility that I have Kleinfelter.

On the long list of life, all the negative boxes are ticked.

(FWIW: I'm 63, male, mostly.)

So: No way out. Well, one.