your human just like the rest of us ... we make mistakes .. we have regrets ... we hurt ourselves and others ... that is what humans do ... don't beat yourself up ... others will gladly do that for you ... we are where we are in life because of these events ... we are not in control of them ... they are most certainly in control of us if we let them .... i believe where we find ourselves is almost always beyond our control ... the secret of life is how we ride these waves .... ride well my friend ... if you go under the waves just keep swimming ... sooner or later your head will be above water again ....