Fuzzy, I can tell you that I really don't believe you had fault in this. I can also tell you that I feel very similar about my upbringing and with my parents (more so my dad). I know that it's easier to see these things from an outsiders perspective than when it's you who's been abused, neglected and overall mistreated it's like your brain is programmed to self-destruct. I blame myself all of the time for the things that happened to me. Fuzzy, I wish you weren't hurting like this and I wish that your parents hadn't done all those things to you. Just know that despite all of the abuse and lack of affection you endured, you don't act anything like that on here. You're not them. You're better than they could even dream to be. Go easy on yourself, Fuzzy. I'm here if you need me.