I do feel different from most everybody in my world. I tend to value and think the most of people who I think would not judge me, or abandon me if they knew my secrets. I don't know that I would ever put them to the test though, as I'd rather not lose them finding out.

I have very few friends, but the ones I have I think relate to me in so many ways. I tend to be drawn to people who I can identify with on multiple levels. We never have discussed mental illness or issues. But that's something that you just know. I purposely avoid my friends if I'm not doing well, or if I'm unstable and think I might decline in their presence. So I don't see them very often, but we connected well enough in the old days that we pick up where we left off after not seeing them for months or years.

I would even say that I have little interest in relationships with people who seem "normal" or well adjusted, as maybe I think they would realize I am messed up and not want me as a friend.

Now that I think about it, most of the people I consider friends have the same first name as me, same interests, same career. I have seen them melt down before, had one of them dismantle his office and throw it at me when I came to visit (he was apparently having a bad day). I just waited outside till things stopped flying out the door, then started picking stuff up and we sat on the hood of the truck and drank soda and laughed about it. I really should go see him again, it's been a few years.