There is no way this is your failure, in fact none of it was

If I may share with you what I have learned personally after realizing my father is a narcissist... The N is incapable of love. You could have been the most amazing person that ever walked this earth and the outcome would have been the same. The N is a failure. Because they only see their own needs and feelings. So, you're not Fuzzybear to them. You're not a person with hopes, dreams, feelings and needs. You're just the scapegoat. Even if you were the golden child, it would seem like they loved you but in reality they would only love their deluded perception of you. Realizing this has helped me tremendously in coming to terms with the fact that it's not my fault that my parents don't love me or even approve of me. And I can love and approve of myself now that I know that.

This is just my personal experience and I don't know if you can relate to it in any way, but I do hope it gives you some food for thought that will potentially bring some relief some day

At any rate: if a person brings a child into this world and then can't or won't provide what the child needs... and after years of abuse and neglect refuses to treat their adult child with dignity and respect... Is their child a failure? Or this parent?

For what it's worth, your PC family and friends love you 365 days a year, not just at Christmas