I, like many others, go through each day just surviving. Because of everything I've been through, I never learned how to live. I feel numb and detached from people. I had to give so much growing up to protect my brothers and my mother from my monstrous father. I even had to risk my life four times to stop him. I went into the Army two days after I graduated highschool and served to protect everyone's freedoms. After I got out, I tried to have a family. I gave everything I had for my daughters. In 2001 my great grandmother died. Two days after, my 2nd wife told me she wanted a divorce. In 2002, my 2nd wife had her attorney schedule the divorce hearing on my birthday. She took my daughters, along with everything else. I always did my best by my daughters and since 2010, I have not seen nor been able to talk to my daughters because their mother doesn't know how to say nice things. I've always worked hard and been kind to people. I have been disabled since 2003, and not being able to work bothers me. All the volunteer work around me is physical, so that is not an option. I try to help people because it's all I know. I've tried to date, but being I'm disabled and can't work, I'm labled as lazy as well as ugly and other things. I'm trying to put myself first, but it's difficult because sacrificing for others is so ingrained in me. So, I just survive each day. I've never had a woman treat me in a way that shows I matter. It is always what I give or do. I feel like a tool people use and then discard. I've been told I'm too kind. Part of me is starting to wonder if things would change if I was unkind. I am very hurt and confused.