I'm so sorry you are struggling so much. I can really sense your frustration and sadness. I think there is one good thing I can point out and that is you seem to have a plan to make things better. I know how hard it is to make changes when you are feeling so low, but try to start slow and build. Little by little and given time, you can reach all your goals which will most certainly add to your overall happiness level. Don't give up, don't give in. Like my 16 year old likes to say "never surrender"