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Originally Posted by ArgIdiot
I have been like this my whole life. Basically, when I get very close to someone I tend to opt out and emotionally distance myself.
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What is your sense of "get very close", if I may ask. I mean, an acquaintanceship is less formal than a friendship, which is in turn less formal than a not-only-platonic relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArgIdiot
This is one of the reasons to why I have never had a best friend or someone I can entirely confide in. I sure have good friends, and I'm liked by my friends but I get uncomfortable if we become too tight. I feel so overwhelmed and not comfortable. Most of my friendships are shallow, except the ones where I have known the other person for over 5 years. Shallow in like, they don't know a lot about me outside of the partying/getting a coffee together/seeing each other in school.
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I understand.
If I may give you my situation: I have a net of 3-5 "core"-friends, friends who I know for several years (> 10 yrs) or I grew up with and I can confide totally into. Then I have a few friends I am not that close, but try to maintain the friendship. And then I have acquaintanceships which I see on occations.
However: For my life so far I couldn't hold a single relationship above the state of friendship. I almost certainly blow it at the earliest possibility, and thus didn't had contact to those "tried relationships" except for one, which I tried in the age of 10-14.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArgIdiot
As an example. I recently started college and have become tight with some girls in the same dorm as me. We party together and we've even had sleep overs etc. We get along great and me and this girl have bonded quite a bit, as in we can talk about everything even though we've known each other for 3 months. But now, I feel way too uncomfortable and have decided to distance myself a little. I don't talk as much with them as I did before and I give them made up reasons why I can't attend a party they are hosting next week.
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Sounds you rushed the relationship in your own eyes. Perhaps you can re-ignite the flame of friendship by restarting the process in a more slow manner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArgIdiot
I notice that I've behaved like this since I was a little kid, and maybe it could be a reason why I don't have "best friends" or people I hang out with regularly. I just don't understand how every other person in my age can form stable and intimate relationships with others while it feels so uncomfortable for me to do so.
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I, for my part, had besides a very few relationships that lasted, also no real "best friend" ... considering, that almost all my friends are older, partly significantly, I would say I can imagine what you mean.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArgIdiot
And since I'm a girl, I feel like it's expected of me to form intimate platonic relationships with other women? I feel like a freak for not being able to do so.
Some help and advice would be appreciated. I think I might have a serious issue with attachment to other people.
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Full disclaimer: I am male. So I can't say what is "usual" between women. However I have been told several times, that I am from my character quite similar to women than typical male.
If I may give you advice: Next time try it a bit slower ... it takes time to know the right speed that feels right to you in order to progress a relationship.
Kindest,
rewin