You might want to read a bit about
avoidant attachment.
Quote:
Parents of children with an avoidant/anxious attachment tend to be emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to them a good deal of the time. They disregard or ignore their children’s needs, and can be especially rejecting when their child is hurt or sick. They frequently rationalize their lack of response by saying they are trying not to spoil the child with “too much” affection or attention. These parents also discourage crying and encourage premature independence in their children.
In response, the avoidant/anxiously attached child learns early in life to suppress the natural desire to seek out a parent for comfort when frightened, distressed, or in pain. Attachment researcher Jude Cassidy describes how these children cope: “During many frustrating and painful interactions with rejecting attachment figures, they have learned that acknowledging and displaying distress leads to rejection or punishment.” By not crying or outwardly expressing their feelings, they are often able to partially gratify at least one of their attachment needs, that of remaining physically close to a parent.
Many children identified as being avoidantly attached learn to rely heavily on self-soothing, self-nurturing behaviors in trying to cope with the pain of being rejected and with troubling emotions. They develop a pseudo-independent orientation to life and maintain the illusion that they can take complete care of themselves. As a result, they have little desire or motivation to seek out other people for help or support.
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Understanding Anxious/Avoidant Attachment
I myself was told many times as a child that boys don't cry, and was punished for crying, and just generally found it frightening and unhelpful to ask my parents, particularly my mother--who had narcissistic personality disorder and was an alcoholic--for any sort of comfort or emotional support. Thus I too grew up to be anxious, avoidant, and self-soothing. It used to make me very anxious to get close to anybody. I am doing better now, thanks in significant part to therapy, but I still have some anxiety about people getting "too close" and some automatic tendencies to be avoidant.
(((((ArgIdiot)))))