I am a junior in college. Recently, I have joined a fraternity and another association to improve my knowledge of business. For me, joining these organizations is social suicide. But, that is besides the point.

Today I just learned that I have multiple personality disorders. Im feel like I would have lived better if I continued thinking in denial that I only have GAD (General Anxiety Disorder). I have found that my personality matches with dependent, avoidant, and paranoid personality disorders. I have a very hard time disagreeing with people because I believe that their comfort and opinions are somehow better than mine, and I am afraid of offending them. (I dont want them to leave me). I want to socialize with people, but when I achieve friendship with them, Im afriad to hang out with them and I want to hide away (Avoidant personality disorder). Normally, before even speaking with someone, I set myself up for failure by thinking that I need to improve myself socially and intellectually before meeting the requirements to speak with them. I have difficulty retaining anything, which means I probably also have ADD. One of my core issues is that I don’t know very basic knowledge about politics, states, history, anything. I feel stupid and dependent. I solely depend on my mother for every decision Ive ever made. Since my father died when I was very young, I have relied on my mother for emotional support. The issue is, I rely on her for almost every decision I make. For all my life, my decisions were and still are never really my own, because I reach out to someone else just to make sure Im taking the right step. I idolize people until they make one mistake, then I despise them.Then, when they do something nice, Im quick to forget their mistakes and love them again. This is too ****ed up. How do I even begin to approach this. I’ve searched up books for treatment, but there doesnt seem to be a promising turnaround for those with personality disorders. Im desperate to break free from feeling like an unprogrammed piece of equipment. I want to make decisions. I want to yell my thoughts when Im angry. I want to tell people that they are wrong when I feel that they are. I want to feel confident when making decisions. I want to love myself. Was your lifestyle somewhat like mine? How do you cope? Have you recovered? I want to know that this gets better. Im feeling so alone right now.