I think I kind of understand. I used to be really fit. Worked out 5 days a week for at least an hour. I was like that until I was around 30. Then slowly started gaining weight. Fast forward to now and I'm really out of shape. Have a hurt back and walking more than 5 minutes hurts. It sucks. But I remember how I loved working out. You're getting there. I admire you for it. Try not to beat up on yourself on the days that you miss. Just start fresh the next day. So happy you're feeling better.