Quote:
Originally Posted by mindwrench
I have no trouble setting boundaries with people I don't care about, and will vigorously defend those boundaries. If someone is important to me, then I usually just hope they don't step on my toes too much. The more I like somebody the more I will keep quiet about it. At some point though I'll pop there head off and kick a field goal with it. That usually leaves them bewildered and thinking I'm unstable. I've lost friends and kept friends doing it that way. The ones I kept didn't cross those lines anymore.
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This is exactly what happens to me. If I don't like someone, my boundaries are at 100%, at all times. If I'm close to someone I have a feeling of wanting them to keep "liking me" so I keep quiet, or try to sneakily mention my boundaries again to remind them.
For example, one of my personal boundaries is that I do not like to be touched. I can handle a tap on the shoulder or a bump, but random hugs freak me out. I get uncomfortable and cold, trying to wriggle out without being too rude. My close friends know and respect this, so even if they do hug me randomly, they only do it for a considerable amount of time so I don't get uncomfortable.
Honestly if your friends don't have the capacity to at least try to follow your boundaries, I wouldn't consider them friends. Friends want the best for each other, right? So adjusting some behavior isn't hard at all.