I've caved in and I probably will end up having sex with this guy again. He tells me he never said I wasn't worth dating, he just hasn't any time for a relationship, and he is busy, that is true. He didn't say I was worth it either, I asked him and he didn't give a straight answer. I don't know what to believe. He might just be saying that for sex. He does ask what I want but it's all sex related. I have issues around sex and he says he wants me to enjoy it but I honestly don't know if I will ever really enjoy it and certainly not to the point of orgasm. I just wish he would talk to me and that I hadn't slept with him so soon. I wish he would hold me and I could fall asleep in his arms but he turns his back to me when he goes to sleep. I am lonely right now and still hurting from that other guy even though he isn't talking. Maybe he's getting me at a vulnerable time because after all I've said I am on my own every night here and it does get to me. I think about things too much and I miss having company. I feel like a fool posting this after all I have said, I have to be honest. It's not sex I miss but it is something that comes with having company right now and I am an idiot but it's better than sitting here moping over the other guy. It's all too confusing. I don't know if this is going anywhere and I don't know whether to believe him when he says he thinks I'm worth dating but maybe I read too much into what people don't say rather than what they do.

Whatever happens I slept with him too quickly and it's all my fault if I get used. I think if you don't respect yourself people know that and take advantage. At least this guy hasn't dumped me as quickly as the other guy did, if he was ever attracted to me in the first place. Maybe it's because I gave him what he wanted that he hasn't done the same.

Rant at me if you wish.. I'm not proud of myself, my defences are probably down right now. This is probably the worst time ever for me to agree to sex, but here I go again.