Happy birthday, Mal.

CMS, can I join this club too? I feel like I've spent way too much time as an underachiever. Something like 25 years of wallowing, before I started to wake up and wonder where my life went. I don't want to go back to 19 - that was a bad year, but I'm stuck at 29 I guess. Well, I'm not sure that was a much better year. 9 was when it should have become obvious that my world crashed in around me. Yeah, part of me is still stuck somewhere around there, and didn't grow up.

At this point, I am under tremendous pressure to achieve something. For the last year and a half, the idea of going to graduate school has been what I have held onto. I took an extra year of classes, getting straight A's. Now I'm working 2 jobs for experience. Didn't get in last year, and can't imagine what my life would be like right now if I had. My T now recommended that I wait before applying again because she says I would get pounded, because my interpersonal skills need some work. That incompetent child part that never grew up, 'ya know? I can see her point, but on the other hand, I don't know what's going to happen if I let go of that objective. Meanwhile, I have two jobs and I'm trying to be perfect at both of them. I can't say no when I get called in. (Thanks Angela for talking me into calling them back last night and take back my agreement to work graveshift on no notice when I had my other job to work in the morning!) And when I'm there, I volunteer for everything and basically do all the work. I have to be the responsible one. In a couple of years maybe I could work my way to the top, but I don't want to still be here in a couple of years. And then there's all my other stuff - learning languages and reading a ton, and homeschooling, and I still have notions of getting my fiber processing business going and maybe letting the kids learn to do it. But I feel the clock ticking, and I hate that I've wasted so much time, and have so little to show for it, and I worry that I'm going to be too old to do anything worthwhile.