I feel really hopeless right now. I feel like I'm never going to be happy, or if I am, it'll be short lived and I'll go right back to being depressed. I don't have hope for the future, and I don't want to live. I have to though, because my mom would be devastated if I died. And I can't do that to her. But I want to. I hate myself, and I think I'm selfish and self centered and bad. I cut myself earlier today, and I want to do it again. I just wish I weren't here.