Hi Crawly, I'm a 35 year old woman and I have trouble with a lot of the same things you have described. I don't feel like I matter to anyone either, except my mom and she's almost 77 and I dread the day when she passes away. I am frequently forgotten about but I know that's because I am not a memorable personality and I don't initiate contact. One common example - something important will happen (an illness, life event, etc.) and I will not have heard about it until long after it has taken place. "Oh! I thought I told you that, or I thought you knew already." "Nope." "Sorry." And on it goes. I ended a 20 year friendship recently because of something similar but there was more to it than that. And I get tired of people who say that shy people like us need to put ourselves out there more and to stop wallowing in self pity. It doesn't help.

I'm impressed you have been able to run a marathon despite having what sounds like some quite intense social anxiety. That's something I would never do (never mind the physical preparations) but everything that goes into being observed, being in crowds, etc.

Unfortunately, I don't have an "it gets better" piece of reassurance for you because for me, it never did get better. I've not been having a great year and everything around seems to be imploding on multiple fronts but I won't go into that because I don't want to discourage you. So, the only advice I can offer is therapy related (sorry if this is long):

1. I know you said you are seeing a psychologist, but down the road - if you don't feel like your therapist is helping you, or if they are making you feel uncomfortable (you have social anxiety like me, so you know what I mean) - it is perfectly ok to leave and ask for referrals to someone else. Or just leave and find someone else on your own. Look up therapists on places like Psychology Today or your insurance company, and then google them to see if they have websites and have been rated. I will always give preference to a client's review over the recommendation of a therapist's colleague. Therapists & psychiatrists tend to fall into their own clique and have a bit of an ego about what they do, it's natural. They believe their competency at evaluating mental/emotional disorders is good enough and many of them do not take into account how they actually come across to a client. I've been made to feel so many times by several providers that my mental illness is my fault, and I don't even think they meant to come off like that.

2. Younger therapists tend to be more compassionate and aggressive about finding new solutions to help you because they are just that - they are young. and they are not "set in their ways" yet.

3. Having social anxiety, I find psychiatrists a lot more difficult to deal with than therapists. I need medication because I can't function without it. So seeing a psychiatrist is a necessary evil. I find their visits more stressful than psychotherapy because psychiatrists are MDs and they are more "curt" with you - they just cut to the chase and ask a barrage of uncomfortable questions. I fired the last one I had because he raised his voice a lot and he made me feel like everything was my fault. My current psychiatrist, who I have been seeing since 2013, doesn't make me feel that way and he is also quite young. (Refer to #2 above).

Take care.