I don't know how many of you shop here, but this is how I became a victim in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Two seriously good-looking well-built guys come over to your car as you are leaving with your purchases. They are both shirtless, and begin to clean your windshield with a rag and window-cleaner.

They both have highly-defined chest muscles, and rock hard abs. It's impossible not to look. When you offer a tip, they say, "no." and ask you for a ride to another store. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start talking about running away with you to the beach, and taking care of your every need for the rest of your life.

One of them climbs into the front seat, and begins to rub your shoulders, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. He asks you to pull over at a parking lot, so he can drive and his friend can feed you chocolate.

While this is going on, the other guy steals your purse. I had my purse stolen last Thursday, Friday, twice on Saturday, once on Sunday, yesterday, and most likely tomorrow.

If you are afraid to go to Wal-Mart alone, I will go with you....