Hi SarahSweden,

I can relate to your hurt and angry feelings. Because of the way I was raised, I also pay attention to the smallest cues that might indicate that my t doesn't care about me personally or that I don't mean anything more to her than a time slot.

In a similar way, it sounds like you also have learned to analyze people's gestures, facial expressions, greeting (or lack of), and other nonverbal signals as a way to gauge whether their interest and concern for you are genuine or not.

Many times, this kind of response comes from having had very bad experiences in the past of feeling unloved and unimportant to people who were very important to us. It makes us hypervigilant and on the alert for any sign that someone we care about it going to hurt us. I wonder if some of this might be true for you also.

Having said this, I'm guessing that your t just forgot to shake your hand that day. It doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't care about you. People do forget things, and it doesn't automatically mean that what they forget wasn't important to them. At times, I have hurt people I really care about by forgetting to say or do something. But it wasn't because I didn't care about them. I did and do!! But I have a problem with paying attention and being present, especially when I'm under stress.

As long as I can remember, I've always tended to be spacey. I get distracted. I always feel bad if this causes someone else hurt feelings because it isn't a reflection of how important a person is to me. It's a reflection of my own limitations.

It's possible that your t just forgot about the handshake that day, but that it has nothing to do with her feelings for you.

If your hurt feelings continue, I hope you will discuss this with her. When something like this has happened to me, I've had to work through it with my t. Otherwise, I become closed off and self-protective, and it interferes with the therapy work.

Peaches