Thanks. Interesting viewpoint. When we set the goodbye ritual up I immediately said to her that I didnīt want her to set such a ritual up just because I asked her to. She then answered that she was
offering that to me.
I donīt mean the offering was dishonest but the dishonesty to me lies within the fact that she uses setting up a goodbye ritual for a purpose to make me talk and relate to her and not because she feel for me as a person. I now mean from a human to another human, I donīt mean I expect us to be friends or anything like that.
Iīm not sure I really got you when you mentioned this about other T:s and them having established rituals for example starting and ending sessions but in those cases where T:s have rituals my point was that they have thought through what will make their clients feel welcome and so on.
Itīs a technique as well but the large difference is that they have, without a client telling them so, thought about things they
want to do because they want the client to feel comfortable and so on. Itīs not like "OK, Iīll change this and that so I can make my client talk" without them having a genuine feeling behind the rituals.
I agree it perhaps wonīt be helpful acting more low-key in session next week but itīs a way of protecting myself and I donīt want to engage too much in people who have ambiguous motives.
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Whoa whoa whoa. Did you not want her to have a goodbye ritual? So the two of you set one up. Either she is not being dishonest, adapted to what you asked for to fulfill your needs as a client, and forgot to shake hands...or you are complicit in her dishonesty because you asked her to change her normal goodbye ritual. Which is it? You can't ask a therapist - or anyone really - to do something for you and then accuse them of dishonesty because it is not in fact what they would normally do.
Also, when you say, "I also know some T:s are really genuine and have a routine for starting and ending sessions to make the client feel welcome and by that I also see my T is only doing this by technique, no heart!", by your standards they are no more genuine than your therapist. They have anticipated what a client might like better...but it's still a routine.
This is very blunt, but Sarah, we all want you to get the most out of this therapist, and when you start thinking things like this and resolve to be more "low-key" next week, you are not helping yourself.
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