Don't you wonder if maybe you would have the same reaction with what you describe as other therapists' rituals that seem to come from genuine feelings? In other words, it might be more of a pattern of your own thinking than anything to do with someone else's motivation?

There is something I told my therapist I like to hear her say. It's very ordinary and to probably anyone else, it wouldn't mean anything, but it matters to me, so she says it every time I leave and at the close of every email. Is it a technique or it is an indication that she has heard me? She forgot to write it in an email once and then followed up with another email that she'd hit send too fast, then included the words I'd said I like to hear. Was it cold technique because she'd forgotten? Not to me. To me, it showed/shows that she knows it's important to me, and the fact she listens to that makes it meaningful to me.

I guess what I'm getting at is that the fact your therapist adjusted to what you asked for can be viewed as a positive--she was responding to what you asked for. In wanting the handshake to be as meaningful to her as it is to you, aren't you the one who is using technique to influence her behavior?