It's taken me a long long time to trust my T enough to be really honest about "our" relationship, but by being honest, I can really feel the benefits. I know it can feel hard, but I hope you could find a way of talking about this with your T. It is the interactions that make us feel a certain way that can be the most useful to be curious about. You might learn a lot about you, your T and your T relationship, by bringing this up.