First, I get you a lot of credit for fighting through this and being able to get through work.

So you want her to be *a* mother but not *your* mother.... That is understandable. A lot of times the whole point of looking for that person to nurture us because we didn't get it when we were little-- so why would we want that person to be fused with the original object?

In time you will be able to be open and let the feelings out as much as you want.... you will not lose her. You have already done an amazing job of that-- you shared your little girl fantasy with her... she didn't go anywhere; she is still here.

I hope you are feeling better today.