The first time I made some steps toward an attempt, I had never been in treatment for my depression/SI. Well, I really.....tried but was to afraid, confessed my problem to my spouse and sought treatment. My "treatment" was Bupropion plus Xanax and "wahlaah", my SI is gone! Kept working 40-55 hour weeks and didn't educate myself about depression, hid my treatment from everyone but my spouse, etc.
In 2015, while on Xanax, this time it almost worked and I do not remember experiencing any fear about the experience until this year. It might not have been the Xanax but I think that taking it for more than 5 years probably numbed my emotions. Do you think your valium numbs your emotions?