Today sucked. At work they were talking about the wedding how everyone thier was with someone and how much fun they had. I got pretty sad ended up taking a sick day and get home and my cable is suspended due to 400 dollar bill that I can't pay off now.
So right now I hate life and how much this is sucking. I have 5 dollars to last me till the end of this week and after my negative bank account is restored I have 6 hundred something. I don't want to lose it all by paying my cable bill but then again I also have a car payment. I just want to take a few flexeril and not wake up. I can see why I'm single no girl would want a loser like me. I can't keep myself afloat. And as much as I try to budget something comes along the way and f$:;s it all up.
I don't want to ask my friend who I constantly borrow from. He has been a godsend. Now I'm thinking of my best friends wedding in February. I don't want to be sad I want to enjoy and celebrate his marriage but I don't want to be alone. The last wedding I went to everyone said how depressed I was. I was sitting at the bar by myself staring at my beer. I'm a fn dude I shouldn't be feeling this way. How did it get to this point. I don't want to wake up I just want this pain to leave me. They said their is no progress without struggle, well I've struggled long and hard and I'm still a loser I haven't progressed anywhere who the f has 5 bucks to last them a week. Wtf am I suppose to do in my house with no cable internet for maybe a month till I can figure it out. Sigh I just want this to end.