Hey all, I hope everyone is alright.

I've been in a decent amount of emotional pain lately, yet I feel numb at the same time. I do see a therapist and a psychiatrist. The antidepressants I were on didn't work (Trintellix), nor did the ones before that (Prozac). The only antidepressant I was on that helped me mentally gave me seizures (Wellbutrin).

I'm feeling very sad and hopeless. I'm wondering if things will ever change.

I'm also starting to have intrusive thoughts that don't seem to be my own, thoughts telling me I'm a loser and, recently, to set myself on fire. I'm not going to act on it but it has me bothered because that's the first time I had one of those thoughts towards myself that wasn't an insult but an action.

It's hard for me to feel happy or joyful. I don't feel much at all and it's driving me up a wall.

There are a lot of things I want to say but I don't know how to articulate my thoughts.

I'm just very tired and sad and waiting for a sign from the Universe that it hasn't forgotten me. People tell me that it hasn't and I'd like to believe them, but I'll wait and see.

My mom is also going through a hard time which really makes me feel even worse because I love her to death.

I know that time heals pain but my main priority is what can I do now to heal the pain?

Thanks to anyone who has read this. I'm very grateful.