I'm very sorry you're going through this, and I hope things improve shortly.

With the thoughts of self-harm, I wonder if it's a side-effect of a med you're on. The reason I say this is because psych meds have side-effects such as suicide ideation and the like but doctors never think to mention it. I was on klonopin for years, went off it and then went back on it for a sleep disorder. Within 3 days I was sobbing uncontrollably and actually starting to seriously consider how to kill myself. I googled it, and sure enough, klonopin has suicide ideation as a side-effect! I stopped taking it immediately, and within 3 days, felt fine. Check your meds for self-harm type side-effects--google the name of the med, the term 'side-effects, self-harm' and see if anything comes up.

A lot of depression, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness is due to our brains not producing enough of the neurotransmitters that keep us feeling happy and alive. I personally believe this is due to some genetic issue as depression, bipolar and anxiety disorders often run in families. The good news is that you can take supplements in the form of amino acids that the body uses to produce the neurotransmitters. The problem with meds is that they don't enable the body to do that, they just keep what you have from being reabsorbed hence the name selective serotonin and/or norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. I compare it to the stale air in a plane after flying across country.

I've been using this to control my bipolar 2 for over 9 years, and its amazing how much better I feel than when I was on meds. I too felt like life was hopeless, there was nothing to look forward to, etc., etc. Now my mood is good and life is no longer hopeless and I honestly believe it's because my brain is functioning the way it should be as it as the nutrients needed to function properly.

Here are some resources on the subject:

This is a brain function questionnaire showing the emotions/feelings, related neurotransmitters and what amino acid does what.

http://drjolee.com/Brain-Function-Questionnaire.pdf

These are some articles about amino acid therapy for depression:

Amino Acid Therapy for Depression and Anxiety

Treating Depression Naturally Is Possible ? Clean's The New Black