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Old Oct 18, 2016, 09:59 PM
HalfDecentReality HalfDecentReality is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 2
Okay so my therapist, psychiatrist, and psychologist ALL agree, there is something wrong with my mind. However, there are so many symptoms that they don't really know what, and I can't see them often enough (due to finance) to really find out.

So I'm looking for a second opinion here.
First the symptoms:
I'm schizophrenic, meaning I hear voices inside my head, not outside, have hallucinations, and can be extremely paranoid AT TIMES (not all the time) Though it's weird because these are the only 3 symptoms I have for schizophrenia other than the stacking of stress.

I have a schizoid personality type, I don't like going out, I prefer to be alone, and hate socializing, but for some reason feel the need to do it for my own health and to see other people laugh. (kills the boredom)

It's been suggested that I'm a borderline sociopath, because I have very little empathetic capacity and very little patience with being bored. I get angry when my plans don't work and when I have too much confidence and fail (as opposed to getting sad)

I am severely depressed, however I rarely notice because I'm not sad, ever. Sadness is converted to anger in my psyche and I have a constant pit of hate in my stomach. Its quite uncomfortable a lot of the time.

A cause of my depression appears to be anhedonia (though this is just self diagnosed, it's a pretty extreme diagnosis but it's all my weeks-worth of fruitless research have gotten me) as I get really bored of everything eventually in the days following my initial interest in it.

I don't trust the opposite sex, being women. However I almost feel as if its a severe NEED for me to be in a relationship with someone. This apparently shows that I WANT to trust an individual with my true emotions but have been constantly prank dated and cheated on so I've shut them out.

My voices are extremely malicious, they either want me to kill myself or to kill others at any given moment and there are six easily discernible voices. My hallucinations usually result from paranoia in the dark, where I have a blank, pitch black canvas to paint my imagination onto, except it feels entirely real.

My psychiatrist thinks my ADHD is the cause for all of this (not sure why but it's the med type I'm on right now cause of this)
My therapist thinks my issue is just straight up depression (due to some personality quizzes)
My psychologist thinks I'm schizophrenic and wants me on anti-psychotics (I've been on them before, they prevent me from feeling bored and hearing things but I also can't get any school/work done because I'm so sedated its almost like I'm dead)

At the moment I just kinda want to end it all, because I'm tired of these problems, and I've had them for a very long time. It feels like life is over and I pretty much missed all my chances to succeed in any avenue I was trying to. My GPA for college is kinda crap, (I say that but it was a 3.0 last semester) I feel like humanity is going to idiocy (I have NO patience for idiocy), and I REALLY feel like it's such a shame that I subconsciously no longer trust women in general. Just seems like, what am I even alive for? I have no goal and I'm only still here cause my mom doesn't want me to suicide and I apparently care about this. :1

If we can fix most of these problems I should be good 2 go for the rest of my life, anyway this is all I can remember at the moment, what do you think it is?

Last edited by CANDC; Oct 18, 2016 at 10:12 PM. Reason: added trigger icon