Thanks, with or without you! Yes, that's exactly the type of thing that's been happening to me. Do you think it was the depression for you, or just a random thing?

I've noticed it seems like it's been happening at night. Back right before/during the really bad episode I had, it seemed like I got really bad paranoia and out-of-it feelings at night, but then I've also had less severe similar things at other times with depression. It still worries me, though. It makes me think the possibilities are: EMSAM itself caused some of it back then and is now; it was from depression back then and is now; it's some sort of anxiety thing, because my anxiety was extremely high then and it's been high now with EMSAM revving it up through the roof. There's also the whole slight possibility of something bipolar involved, since I have possible bipolar.

I noticed EMSAM increasing my depression each time I started it, and I know when I went off after the first time last month I felt really depressed... I assumed it was just my depression worsening as time went on, but now how do I know EMSAM isn't just pushing my depression into psychotic depression levels? What if before that bad spell, the EMSAM and withdrawal just worsened my depression that much? BUT if it's just the depression independent of EMSAM causing these things, I'd need to stay on EMSAM and see if it helped since I'd need to keep trying to improve asap. Aaah, I feel trapped.

I will tell my pdoc, but I know he'll literally just tell me to stop the med and look for no further explanation nor give any help with what to do next. I expressed concern about this, with the timing of taking EMSAM before my past episode and everything, a couple appointments ago. I asked him to get my records from that time from another doc just to check how close my EMSAM trial was to when things really got bad, and he waved it off.

(sorry again, still, for the just kinda babbling. :P)

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through all that. I know from when I was on Nardil, and a short time on Parnate, the built up insomnia really can mess with you. It really is frustrating, and I remember you said you'd been dealing with the back pain on top of it, too. Hopefully more time catching up on sleep will help improve things at least some.